I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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