After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
