I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
