Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
