people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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