We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
