Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
