I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
