im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
