i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
