I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
