I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she told me i tasted like america
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
