Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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