the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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