this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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