Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize