PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
