You're my little dorito
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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