and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
