so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think your dad took our porno
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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