at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
