you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
