I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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