ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
