Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize