Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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