somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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