Everything about him screamed your future.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
