Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
