Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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