it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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