I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
