So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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