Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
