If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
