someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
