Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
