just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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