Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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