In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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