There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
