i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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