cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
