Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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