Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
