dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize