Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
