I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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