Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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