My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
