So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
