she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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