Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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