I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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