Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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