I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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