They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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