u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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