What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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