just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize