She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
