watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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