Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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