I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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