Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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