Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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