and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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