you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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