To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
