it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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