sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
