she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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