Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
