It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
