So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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