uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My pussy is not your playground.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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