never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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