i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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