He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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