you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
