I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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