I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
