I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
