I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
