ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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