Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
