return my video game
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
