Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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