Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
