Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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