My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
