Bisexual people are plain selfish.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
