I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
