he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
3 2 1 whiskey
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize