we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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