you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
