I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
