Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
