All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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