Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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