i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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