thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
