I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize