Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
