im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
