I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
