I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
