I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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