I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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