i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
